Extraordinary
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![]() Guy Speak
This is not about a man saying one thing and meaning another.I’m discussing male dialogue in romance books. It drives me bonkers to read dialogue that has a man speaking like a woman. Y chromosomes express themselves differently therefore, their dialogue is going to be different. I’m going to take it to the very basic bottom line. Male and female brains are hardwired different. It goes back millions of years when primal instinct ruled. It was survive and procreate. Relationships as we know them didn’t exist. Females sought out a strong mate for his genes and to protect and provide for her and the resulting offspring. Males driven to spread their seed, sought females with large breasts and wide hips considered to be good breeders. They spread their seed, grunted, scratched, pounded their chest, and protected their offspring. Some things haven’t changed. Women still look for a protector and provider. The definition of those roles has evolved. Protector may now mean having her back, sharing a life. A teacher and role model for offspring. Men are still driven to spread… well, we know. Mercifully, some things have changed. Each species still has the survive and procreate instinct but they have evolved, wants to be in a good relationship and find true love. Those needs are communicated in different ways. We as writers have to remember not to mess with the hard wiring and put that difference on the page. Don’t make your heroes fit so perfectly into some fantasy Prince Charming mold that our male characters no longer resemble the male species. BTW, my opinion is most women aren’t looking for Prince Charming. They want someone who knows about unconditional love, how to be honest, true and faithful. Start with the differences in the way the two sexes talk. Women tend to qualify a statement by ending the sentence with a question. “This color looks good on me, don’t you think?” Guys do not do that. “Dang. This is a good color for the Mustang.” Ask a guy a question that requires a yes or no. “Do you want to ride into town with me?” Men will respond with yes or no. Ask a woman the same question. “Yes, but can we stop at mall first cause I want to exchange a blouse I bought the other day. It isn’t the right color. If you don’t want to stop, it’s a no.” When writing dialogue for a guy the less words used the better. A cowboy won’t ask the cows to go into the corral, he’ll yell yee-ha. A police detective isn’t going to say to the bad guy “Please put your hands behind you so I can get these cuffs on.” It will be, “hands behind you.” And maybe an expletive added. Men cut to the chase. They don’t hem and haw and beat around the bush. They say what’s on their mind. “Nice dress. Take it off.” Thank you Janet for that brilliant line. Or, do men just have lower standards? Now let’s discuss feelings. Guys are not as complicated as women want to make them. There’s an old joke about what it takes to please men and women. There are 99 items on the woman’s list. Things like bring her flowers, candy, rub her feet, take her to dinner, etc. On the men’s list are 2 things: show up naked with beer. Pretty much sums it up. Does your hero tell your heroine how he feels? Does he answer her when she asks how he feels? If the answer is yes, then take your hands off the keyboard and step away from the computer cause we need to talk. Even though you want your hero to be the man we gals want, having him talk too much about feelings could be pushing the edge of the envelope. Guys will gladly tell you what they think, but what they feel…? Try this experiment. Ask you DH, SO, any guy, what they feel about a topic you know they are interested in. A couple of days later ask them what they think about it. In my tests the- how do you feel- got blank stares, and a “huh?” On the- what do you think,- I had a five minute monologue and way more information than I wanted. What’s the difference to a guy? The survey says: a guy is sure about what he thinks, but with his feelings he doesn’t want to look like a fool to his woman. They are intimidated by the fact women are born with a master’s degree in talking about feelings. Also, they figure if everything is okay in the relationship she won’t want to talk about feelings. Talking about feelings when things are going well, throws a guy out of the game. He gets nervous. I feel this is an excellent way to add conflict on the page with a relationship. Her. “Why won’t you tell me how you feel?” She’s thinking -OMG there must be something wrong he won’t talk to me. Him. “I don’t feel anything.” He’s thinking- OMG I’ve screwed up big time. She wants to talk about feelings. It can be a way to show character arc. In the beginning he doesn’t share much. As the relationship grows and he wants to make her happy, he begins to open up about his feelings. He doesn’t exactly like it, but when she lets him know how worthwhile he is, he becomes more willing to expose his own insecurities and sacrifice his comfort zone for her. As in TALK about how he FEELS. Careful about the writing here. Even though you want your hero to be the man we gals want, having him talk about feelings early on could be asking your reader to suspend beliefs a bit too far. I just said a man will sacrifice his comfort zone for his woman. A man feels his sacrifices show his love. Men love that power struggle, love to be in control and those sacrifices, big or small, will mostly center around that. Something as small as letting his woman pick the radio station in the car when he wants to listen to the game, giving in to what she wants, is another way a man expresses love. He derives great satisfaction when she acknowledges that sacrifice with a simple thank you, or a smile. I’m not saying a guy should forgo flowers on her birthday. I’m saying write smart. Show love in more than one way. Do men get the wiggles in their knees when they fall head over heals in love? Yes. In the world cup succor matches in South Africa, the Spanish goalkeeper, Iker Casillas, missed a goal that lost the game to Switzerland. Fans believe his girl friend, Sara Carbonero, a beautiful sideline reporter was so close to the field before and during the crucial match she distracted him and Casillas allowed the game’s only goal. Sounds like he got the wiggles in his knees. BTW, after the game, Sara interviewed her boyfriend and on live TV, she asked her lover, “How did you fuck this up?” Yup! SHe really said that. Sista was not going to take the wrap. Do guys do crazy things to protect thei woman? Yeah! Lets not forget when Helen of Troy took off to Paris with a bunch of Trojans in her luggage and Brad Pitt had to go get her. Wait…is that how it went? Why do men do these crazy things? Because failing to provide and protect is a failure to show their love. To wrap up. Writing the guys POV use less words. Get to the point. Cut through the unnecessary. Consider subtle ways of him showing his love and showing her understanding that’s what he’s doing. Guys do fall crazy in love and will risk everything for their woman. To get a handle on men’s dialogue I suggest you listen to love songs. The vast majority are written by men and feelings are rarely mentioned. They sing about what they are doing, are going to do to their woman, or what they want their woman to do to them. Read a book or two written by a Y chrom. And read scripts. This link, http://www.simplyscripts.com/ has dozens to research.
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